How Do You Know If You’re in Love?

Pretty much everyone knows I’m seeing someone.

Everyone including my friends, my housemates, my colleagues, my students, my fellow gym goers, my taxi drivers, the supermarket workers, the guys at my favourite Padang restaurant, complete and utter strangers… You name someone and I guarantee they know. But just in case, if they don’t know, let me know so I can let them know.

Although I don’t think my parents know. Not properly anyway. And shh, don’t tell them! The fact they even have an inkling is enough.

Anyway, there is a point to this drawn out spiel and it’s basically this: everyone knows I have a partner because I tell everyone I have a partner. In fact, I speak about him so often that I don’t actually think a day goes by where I don’t mention him at least twice. Hell, he even features frequently on his blog, and some of my best-received posts have been about how kinda obsessed I am with him.

So it didn’t strike me as odd when, last weekend, a girl I was meeting up with in Jakarta asked me how I knew I was in love.

‘Because, like… I’ve never been in love. And I don’t think I’ll know when I am.’

I thought. As we gazed out at the city from our seats on the concrete floor of Indonesia’s national museum, I thought. I thought and I thought, and I wished I had something better to say than what I did say:

‘You just know.’

Urgh! That horrible cliched line! So typical! So unhelpful!

But I stand by it.


Because you do know when you’re in love, when that love feels different from all the other types of love you’ve ever felt. It’s the love, and it’s a love I’d never thought I’d experience.

My partner feels the same:

‘Ask anyone, I would be the last person to be looking at statues and labelling with them with all of this romantic shit, but there I was at the Louvre doing exactly that because of you.’

Things start to take on new meanings when you have that kind of love. For example, I always thought love songs were bullshit and unrealistic, until I fell hard for my partner and actually felt what the people sang. I had believed poems and novels on love were exaggerated, but now I read them with clarity almost, knowing exactly how it feels when your soul is entwined with another. My partner can look at the greatest artworks and see us, understanding fully how powerfully the artist felt about their muse.

It all sounds a bit drippy and so head-over-heels, but we do stupid things for each other and to be close to one another, say wonderful things. He’s not a romantic guy in the slightest, but he makes me feel things for him I never, ever thought I would feel for anyone. This is beginning to sound like a commonplace post on a commonplace subject, but damn do I know why people write on love so much.

So, my friend, I know I’m in love with him because I can just feel it. When I lay my head on him all of my troubles go in a second; when I see his face I can’t be angry or upset, it’s impossible. I finally get how it feels to be in love in this way, and I’m so happy I do.


  • Antonia

    I hope that when I get to that stage in my life that i’ll Know too. Thinking on it now, it’s like how can you know when you’re in love? Something must happen. Like when is the moment it just clicks into your head that you’re in love. I’m happy for you though 😉

  • Miriam

    Love is not real unfortunately, people fall in love with many people over the course of their life and they are all phases. Dont get me wrong enjoy the moment but in a split second it can all be over and then you’ll be “in love with someone else” with all the roses again but its often just replacing parts that you need to. I can guarantee you have been “in love” many times before and thought similar things its just part of life. Sorry perhaps its just life experience showing here. But as I said enjoy it. Your posts are certainly interesting though.

    • Diandra Francesca

      Hi Miriam,

      Sorry for the late response, and I’m so sorry that you feel that way about love. It really is a shame that you don’t believe in love and sound negative with it! I do agree in that people fall in love with many over the course of their life, and although they can be considered ‘phases,’ is there really anything wrong with that? It’s completely normal and you can learn so much from those periods of your life due to the other person. Also, I disagree with you in that being in love is just replacing parts of you that you need to sort out/develop, but there we go, maybe my own ‘life experience’ hasn’t taught me that yet, or maybe it’s because I look at things very differently to you. Thank you for your comment 🙂

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