Surely I’m not the only one who can’t believe we’re already in February.
I mean, February!? As in, we’ve had 31 days of January, already and are 10 days into the next month!? No way. I refuse to believe it.
I mean, have I even accomplished anything? Whatever my NY resolutions were, I can barely remember them. I think there was something about getting fitter in there, and getting married, possibly buying new clothes… was that it? Oh yeah, I also said that 2019 would be the year I finally have healthier nails and not ones which break all the time. Hm. Have I made a kickstart on any of them? Ehh, a bit. I’ve bought a new gym outfit, some party clothes and can now balance on a Pilates ball, but I’m still no closer to that diamond on my beautifully manicured hand.
Or do I?
I don’t know.
I would say I have a love-hate relationship with social media but it’s not that deep. It’s more like pure indifference; I couldn’t care less about any of it. I had Twitter for all of six weeks at about the age of 15, deleted my Facebook 10 years ago after a few months dabble, and had an in-and-out dalliance with Instagram for the past two years, culminating in a permanent deletion of that late last year. All in all, this points to the fact that I’m just not a social media person.
Or am I?
No. I’m really not, but that doesn’t stop myself sorta wanting to be more active on some platforms (ahem, Instagram), because it would be cool to be good at social media. You know, to showcase opulent breakfasts in Balinese infinity pools, sunsets over Indian mountains, beautifully decorated cakes at Peggy Porschen… but nah, not for me. Too much effort. My holiday snaps are so terrible they make me cringe before laughing (which is why you may have noticed this blog doesn’t have many), and I can’t be bothered liking and following hundreds and hundreds of accounts to try and get my own following. Yet… I used to and occasionally still aspire to be a social media influencer. When I had Instagram, I went through a period of updating it every day trying to draw followers and likes into my (overwhelmingly mundane) life: I would upload past snaps of previous travels and hashtag #throwbacktuesday, would take semi-decent-but-kinda-blurry pictures of my current life in Indonesia when I went to a beach or to a snazzy restaurant or to another city, would constantly update my story even if all I had to show for the day was the fact I went to my daily gym class and then baked some vegan cookies (although that sounds very Instagram-esque, right?).
I did this for about two months.
Clearly I didn’t become an influencer, *sobs,* although it wasn’t all in vain as I definitely noticed an improvement in engagement, even if it was mainly in the follow/unfollow twats out there giving me false hope that I was growing.
Anyway, I got bored of posting and liking daily, inspired neither by the content I produced nor by the content of others. I was also lazy – I didn’t want to put the work into something that I didn’t need to and/or didn’t care about, and I very much didn’t and don’t care about showcasing my life beyond this blog. Hell, sometimes I don’t even want that, with the amount of times I’ve been tempted to delete this thing too.
Speaking of my site however, was actually another reason I wanted to be active on Instagram, because I believed it would send more traffic this way. But I noticed that being active on it didn’t help my blog grow in the slightest, even though I paraded it about like mad. I admit I was only truly active on the app for a couple of months however, so what was I expecting? Regardless, that was another reason for the deletion.
And yep, I don’t miss it, only the idea of what it could have been had I given enough of a toss. I liked the idea of feeling like I could be the next influencer, even though I very much DID NOT and DO NOT want that in reality, because damn, that must be so hard to put so much of your private life constantly on show.
Now does a blog count as social media? I suppose it does, but for some reason I actually care about this little thing and would love to see it get better. Personally, I love blogging because I think it’s so different to the ‘quick’ fixes of Instagram, generally because bloggers create a more rounded picture of their life – the highs as well as the lows, and I like reading about reality and what people genuinely get up to – or seem to anyway, because I’m a cynic and there are so many catfish.
But for now, I’m done dabbling in social media. If I ever feel like being a lifestyle influencer who showcases images of perfectly made beds with almond lattes, flaky croissants and plenty of white walls with the odd plant or flower, then I’ll take a picture, see how shit it looks, don’t actually care how shit it looks, and then remind myself that no, you don’t want this.